The Fab Five from "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" would loose their jobs if the show were based in Athens. If you've never seen the show on Bravo, it's about five homosexual men who, in a super-hero like manner, equipped with cell phones and good taste, rescue men from committing clothing, culture and culinary crimes. Well, the guys here in Athens very rarely break fashion laws. They are all so ... pretty. I'm amazed when I go to parties and see these guys with silky collared shirts, nicely pressed khaki pants and shoes my father would wear to a business meeting. Their "accessories" even match their clothes. Their gelled hair gleams with the same glossy-ness it would if it hadn't been washed in three weeks; but, the thing is, they actually tried to make it look that way.
Remember guys, we're at a college in Athens, not Miami, and we're students. The ambiance of parties usually consists of a gravel ground, an old, dirty house, a lot of belligerent and clumsy drunk students, some kegs full of cheap, foamy beer and a few freshman girls who forgot it gets cold at night and are shivering in their skirts. What's the point of dressing up? Maybe these guys are really careful and aren't afraid of ruining their clothes. Or maybe they are too fragile to take a beer bong or keg stand for fear of destroying their precious attire.
I think Karma really does exist, because I used to complain about all the scrubby guys at my high school. You know, the ones with hair longer than yours, baggy pants, a shirt with five holes in it and a stench that is evidence they haven't had time to fit a shower into their busy, video-game playing schedule. I used to sing "I don't want no scrubs" religiously in hopes they would get the point. Those guys are looking pretty good compared to the guys here simply because they looked and acted like guys. I'm glad that showers have finally become an important priority in college, but they are taking their vanity too far. They make me feel like my jeans, cute thrift-store t-shirts and flip-flops just aren't enough anymore.
Last year, I lived in a co-ed dorm, and was amazed by the guys' preparation before parties. I would get confused sometimes, thinking I lived in Bush Hall, not Brown. It all started fall quarter when one guy asked me if his jean jacket matched his pants. It gets worse. No girls asked to borrow the iron I brought and never used, but three guys did. And guys here actually go tanning. Not just before vacations to get a base tan, but regular tanning to maintain a healthy glow. Most of them had better face moisturizers than I did. Don't get me wrong - I loved all of the guys on my floor - they just weren't the type of guys I date. But I probably wasn't the type of girl they were attracted to either.
Guys, I'm glad you are finally trying to look good after girls have done it for years. But we don't want you to turn into girls. I miss the t-shirt and jeans look, those guys that look good without trying, and even the shaggy hair. I miss the smell of soap and shampoo; now I get a headache talking to a guy for five minutes because the cologne is so overwhelming. White, pasty skin is a lot better than this oompa-loompa shade guys have been sporting. Be more laid back about your looks; cancel your tanning appointments, invest in some Converses and a pair of loose-fitting jeans and tone it down on the gel usage. Don't hide your young, natural beauty - embrace it.
waiting for michelle to call back and give me her tag line...
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Michelle Simakis
