Here's the thing: I am sick of this half-citizenry known as being 20-years old. No, I am not referring to the battle of age known as being old enough to vote and yet too young to drink; I am referring to the fact that I can't rent a car. This is the land of the free, and I can't even rent a Corsica.
And the fact is, boys and girls, it's just not right. Under 25? Call the major car rental places, feel the sting of your age. I've done it, they turn you down harder than that fake ID I had that said I was a 43-year-old woman from Nebraska. You can tell them whatever you want -- they don't budge. "Um, yes, I was just looking to rent a car... no I'm only 20... no I don't have any one to sign for me... o.k. my Huffy is working just fine anyways, thanks."
Sure, they say it's for insurance purposes. The fact is, they get better rates because older drivers tend to have better, safer driving records, thus helping the companies with their costs. But I don't care. I can vote, I can buy cigarettes, I can buy a gun for God's sake, but I'm too irresponsible for a car. Here's a thought for you, I am old enough to get a fishing license in any state. That's right, I can play executioner to bass all over the nation, deciding their destiny on a whim, but I can't get a Reliant K if I'm stuck in the desert.
Don't think that this is one of those little rules, like the drinking age, that is easy to slide around, either. I've tried. Walking stealthily into a car rental place in Florida, I tried to conceal my age. With my facial hair unshaven, I place a pack of cigarettes in my shirt pocket, and I put an "I voted today" sticker on my shirt, I was clearly no spring chicken. But the woman at the counter was ready to play hardball my friends, and she wasn't letting me sneak anything past her. I told her I didn't have my driver's license at that exact moment; it was with my wife. She was not impressed. I said I could offer up my NRA card, since I was clearly old enough to bear arms, but she was not moved. I even tried to offer her a cigarette, a move that works the way into the hearts of so many young women on the bar scene, but I was asked to leave. Oh, she'd seen the likes of me before -- young, careless, immature, and looking for a minivan for a golf outing.
So, as I am only 20, I wait and wait for this punishment to end. Sitting on my back porch I try to appreciate all the things I am old enough to do. I polish off my pack of cigarettes while skimming my lengthy porn collection. Every once in a while I vote on some minute issue and then count my guns. Hell, I have even looked into getting a chauffeurs license and a commercial license just because I can. But none of these actions takes the pain away. At night I just sit in my room and wait for the day I can rent cars at my own will. I put all my porn and guns away and realize that I am so far from the maturity required to rent an automobile that I have a license to drive, insurance to cover, and a job to pay for... I am so not ready.
Therefore, I have made a decision regarding the no under 25-years-old rule of car rental places. I am boycotting them until they change their ways. That's right, until these places come crumbling down to me, I will not do them the courtesy of my business. Yep, if they want to play hardball, I can play too. If they won't let me rent until I'm 25 then I will ignore them for the next five years, so there... but my car broke down again, can I get a ride?
--Cottrill is a junior english major who thinks that it is a good and practical idea for car companies to prevent those under 25 from renting. Send him an e-mail at michael.cottrill@ohiou.edu
17 Archives
Mike Cottrill
