Or so Conrad Dillon says. Administrators, consider this a kiss-off. I have suffered accusations of praying to false gods and corrupting the youth of Athens. I have heard rumors of being placed on "double-secret" probation. So I say, let us all drink a Jack Daniels bottle poisoned with hemlock together, and we'll see who winds up where in the afterlife.
Over the span of twenty columns, I have attempted nothing less than provocation, awakening the community to ills inflected upon it and criticizing those who hold themselves infallible. Although I have sins of mine own, I have cast the first stone. I have posed as an enfant terrible, given to Dionystic pursuits, a barroom philosopher for the rabble. But be not deceived. Though my vision is sometimes blurry, I have tried to focus on the truth.
If I have had one goal, it is this — expose the powers of Ohio University for their failures, their deceit and their painful stupidity. With such a PR-challenged administration as our own, it is with great ease, perhaps too much so, that I have mounted my syntactical attack. If I have enlightened a single reader to how the powers detrimentally affect one's life, then I have succeeded.
Let us now praise some famous men, the administration. You have made my task, my personal mission, accomplishable to highest degree. I doubt that you have listened to me. You listen to no one else, and I would not suspect that my voice resounds in your cavernous offices any differently. When we say, "we cannot live on bread alone," you reply, "then eat cake." If you feel that my musings are little more than tales "told by an idiot/full of sound and fury," than I am deeply sorry; it is you whose speeches symbolize nothing.
Unfortunately, though the administration's speeches may symbolize nothing, their words send a distinct message, not of hope, but of unwavering, unsavory authority. Recently, our dear old president, Robert Glidden, told a group of students, rallying in support for the preservation of Dysart Woods, not to make a "nuisance" of themselves. Although the Dysart Defenders are not exactly the best example of student activism, Glidden still must feel he is the supreme law, the absolute moral authority of the land that cannot be challenged; a few months ago he deemed petitions "dubious" and now, protest rallies a "nuisance."
Perhaps he believes he rules under divine authority granted unto him by the holy trustees, or maybe the Attack-Cat talks to him in his sleep. Nevertheless, he is definitely not the most democratic of collegiate rulers.
But, I hope that President Glidden and the other administrators harbor no lasting resentment against me. In fact, why don't we all go have a drink on your tab. We can discuss our differences civilly, over fine wine or martinis, your choice. In many ways, I'm the best friend you have.
I also would like to wish the new student senate great luck in the coming year. With a degree of skeptical optimism, I hope you may all accomplish what your predecessors have not, creating a student government that actually manages to do anything. I would, however, like to thank this year's senate, for you have made my job as public gadfly as easy as our administration has.
And finally, a message to my readers, those loyal denizens of Athens and OU who have offered support, criticism and praise. Consider this a goodbye kiss. I hope you have enjoyed my rants and have gained an insight or two from this humble columnist. To those of you leaving OU and Athens, I offer not sentimentality but fortune; may you find work in our wrecked economy and success in this troubling world. To those remaining (as myself), I suggest a steady intake of wisdom and wine, knowledge to make ourselves aware of the world and brew to ease the pain it inflicts.
And so ends another year. Next year we can continue our missions, maybe even reclaim our party-school standing or initialize a local regime change. But for now, I'm climbing off this barstool and stumbling out the door into another rainy night because sometimes you have to drown to be reborn. Farewell, and viva la revolución!
Addington is a senior. Send him an e-mail at robert.addington@ohiou.edu.
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Wells Addington
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Wells Addington
