Comedy Central Roasts: Hostile, malicious, hateful, mean-spirited, but funny as hell.
There’s something so immensely rewarding about watching the scum of the entertainment industry get lampooned by second-tier stand up comics and other B celebrities on national television.
In years past, Pamela Anderson, Charlie Sheen and even Donald Trump are a few of the stars that have served as guests of honor at Comedy Central Roasts. A few weeks ago, Comedy Central graced viewers with the first celebrity roast in nearly a year and a half, and instead of roasting someone relevant and popular, they chose Rob Lowe as the guest of honor.
Sorry, Comedy Central. Nobody wants to watch their mom’s high school crush from the '80s get roasted. We want some A-listers.
With so many asinine celebrities to choose from, finding "roastable" celebrities shouldn’t be an issue. Here are the Top 10 celebrities that deserve their own Comedy Central Roast.
10) Taylor Swift
T-Swift has done a phenomenal job serving her role as the entertainment industry’s do-no-wrong, kind-hearted, golden girl, which makes the idea of viciously roasting her all the more hilarious. Comedians would have plenty of material to work with, including her beef with Kanye West, her breakup with Tom Hiddleston and her famous T-Swizzle dance moves. At this point in her career, though, she’s also primed for an Lindsay Lohan-esque meltdown. It might be fun to wait five years or so and revisit this idea.
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9) Guy Fieri
The spikey-haired moron is the host of Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives on Food Network, but instead of riding his tacky '60s Camaro to Flavortown, it’s time for this greasy idiot to be roasted on the national stage. Although Guy doesn’t have a lot of negative publicity to poke fun at, the over-the-top persona he creates for the camera should make him an easy target for insults. Other celebrity chefs like Anthony Bourdain or Paula Deen can be invited to dig into Guy, and they could even cook a roast at the roast.
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8) Jeff Ross
This dude has literally made a career out of insulting people. He’s appeared at every Comedy Central Roast except for two, and his comedy set is always one of the evening’s most anticipated. Despite being synonymous with roasts, Jeff Ross has never served as the guest of honor. It’s time flip the tables on the RoastMaster General and give him a taste of his own medicine.
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7) Hillary Clinton
After being featured on Saturday Night Live and The Tonight Show, Hillary has shown that she can take a laugh. Donald Trump got fried at his own roast in 2011, so why not have her share in the fun? The challenge for this roast would be coming up with new, creative Hillary jokes that don’t just revolve around emails. Maybe The Donald could even be one of the roasters.
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6) The Baldwins
At first, Alec was going to serve as the sole Baldwin family representative on this list. After thinking about how his brothers, Daniel, William and Stephen have shared in the shenanigans over the years, we figured why not roast ‘em all? Skewering the entire Baldwin clan at once would be an insult comic’s dream, especially because roasting more than one celebrity at once has never been done before. There’s a lot of potential with this one.
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5) Tim Tebow
Shaquille O’Neal, Mike Tyson and Peyton Manning have all appeared as roasters, but no athlete has ever served as the guest of honor. It’s time for a prominent sports figure to be roasted, and Tim Tebow has done more than enough to earn his own Comedy Central Roast. Tebow is considered by many to be too nice, and while other athletes receive attention for their negative antics, Tebow’s benevolent off-field demeanour has become the butt of many jokes and memes. Comedians would have a field day roasting him.
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4) Adam Sandler
At one point, Adam Sandler was actually one of Hollywood’s funniest actors. In addition to being a cast member on Saturday Night Live, he starred in some hilarious '90s cult movies, including Billy Madison and Happy Gilmore. Now, Sandler usually churns out a couple of garbage-level movies a year that barely make middle schoolers laugh. It’s time for Sandler to be put in his place for making these miserable films.
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3) Tom Cruise
You’d think that Comedy Central would have gotten around to roasting Tom Cruise by now. He’s been relevant for a long time. He’s done some pretty wack stuff, and it’s time for him to be ridiculed on the national stage. Remember when he freaked out on Oprah? Or his Scientology interview with Matt Lauer? There’s a lot of potential with this one.
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2) Britney Spears
There was a time when Britney Spears ruled the world. She was a chart-topping platinum princess with an iconic voice. That is, until her meltdown in the 2000s, when she went to rehab and shaved her head. Now that she’s seemingly recovered from her downward spiral, it’s only appropriate for a roast to be held in her honor.
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1) Kanye West
Love him or hate him, Kanye West is an icon, not only because of his music, but for his reputation as Hollywood’s favorite jerk and his larger-than-life personality. It seems like Kanye has beefed with just about every celebrity at some point, and his ego makes him a target for jabs on social media. Comedians would foaming at the mouth at the chance to roast Kanye West.
The problem? He’d never do it. His ego wouldn’t be able to handle it.
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